Change is good

Rijm of niet hier kun je al je gedichten, haiku's, diepzinnige poëzie en gedachtespinsels kwijt.
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-Maaike-
Computer
Computer
Berichten: 2696
Lid geworden op: 27 okt 2010 18:51

Change is scary
But what's more horrifying
Is to never change
Being stuck to bad habbits
To stand still
And never grow an inch

The changes are as big as mountains
But their impact is like an ant
So I should rather stand up
And face the changes on my path
Than to be small forever
In a place full of giants

My bright future starts today
So I will crumble the fear
And take the hand of change
Here I come world
I'm already changing
I'm not scared anymore!

Feedback verwerkt
- Never give up on anything, because miracles happen every day -

My head is a jungle...
Wannabe
Balpen
Balpen
Berichten: 122
Lid geworden op: 04 mei 2012 14:58

So I should rather stand up => So I'd rather stand up. (So I had rather stand up.)
Ik weet niet of dit klopt, ben zelf ook niet echt een genie qua Engels, maar ik vind dit beter klinken. Maar ok, dat ben ik en het is jouw gedicht.

En ik vind het een origineel, mooi gedicht! Heel duidelijk (:
Quoth the Raven, ''Nevermore''
-Maaike-
Computer
Computer
Berichten: 2696
Lid geworden op: 27 okt 2010 18:51

Dank je wel! :D

Ik denk toch dat ik het bij I should laat, vind ik persoonlijker mooier klinken. Maar bedankt voor de suggestie, je gaf me wel stof tot nadenken :D
- Never give up on anything, because miracles happen every day -

My head is a jungle...
glenovic
Fijnschrijver
Fijnschrijver
Berichten: 667
Lid geworden op: 18 aug 2012 00:32
Locatie: Rotterdam

Love your poem
It begins with the words of a depressed character slowly growing towards a character full of self confidence who screams I'm not scared anymore! just love the transition.

But what's more horrofing
Horrofying --> Horrifying

The changes are as big as mountains
But the impact as an ant
I only think the second sentence could use some work for it to match the previous one.
but the impact as an ant should either be But their impact is as an ant or But their impact is like an ant.

I would also suggest deleting the And in the sentence And I'm not scared anymore!
I believe without it the sentence and thereby the whole poem will become much more convincing as you really believed you aren't scared anymore

And to the comment of Wannabe
She asked herself a question at the present time So should i rather stand up is correct

for had to fit into the poem the poem should have been written in the past tense.
The changes are as big as mountains
But the impact as an ant
So I should rather stand up
And face the changes on my path

would have been

The changes were as big as mountains
But their impact was like an ant
So had I rather stood up
And faced the changes on my path
My ego is to big for a conversation so thats the reason I write because writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted.
-Maaike-
Computer
Computer
Berichten: 2696
Lid geworden op: 27 okt 2010 18:51

Thank you!

Ik heb je feedback verwerkt in het gedicht :)
- Never give up on anything, because miracles happen every day -

My head is a jungle...
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